Tales From the Customer Service Crypt

Real stories. Real verdicts. Disney-inspired strategies that turn ordinary service businesses into unforgettable brands.

Should You Ignore Customers Before You Open? | Vance Morris

by: Vance MorrisPublished on: 12/10/2026

A barista ignored a customer at a locked door and 943,000 cheered. Here’s what it really costs you.

Enterprise Promises to Pick You Up. They Couldn't Even Pick Up the Phone.

by: Vance MorrisPublished on: 17/08/2026

Broken down 900 miles from home, Enterprise told me my birthday was wrong, then tried to re-rent me the car they had just towed away. Why siloed systems turn good employees into apologists, and the Disney process fix that costs nothing.

The Order Disney Refuses to Break (And HubSpot Just Shattered It)

by: Vance MorrisPublished on: 12/07/2026

HubSpot secretly enrolled every customer into data sharing, got caught, and apologized in four days. Here's why that failure was never about the law, and what Disney's four ranked service standards reveal about your own business's real priorities

Call Center Study: Why Businesses Don't Answer the Phone

by: Vance MorrisPublished on: 20/06/2026

An original call center study of 4,000 service businesses found 82% don't answer their phone live, and AI answering systems only connect a caller to a real human 7% of the time. See the full study and what it's costing you.

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Systematic Magic

Vance Morris

The ONLY Disney Experience & Direct Response Marketer, who actually worked at The Disney Company

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How I Judge Every Story

Every week I dig up a real customer experience, from the headlines or from my own life, and stamp it with one of four verdicts.

Risen From the Crypt: The rare business that shocks me in the best way. Somebody did something so right it deserves to be studied and stolen for your own shop. I show you the system behind it.

Signs of Life: A business that was flatlining and started breathing again. They're not there yet, but they're moving in the right direction, and the fix they made is one you can make too.

Cause of Death: An autopsy on an everyday failure. The small, ordinary letdowns that quietly kill loyalty in businesses everywhere, probably including yours. I name the cause and show you how to keep it out of your building.

DOA: Dead on Arrival: A decision so bad it never had a chance. These are the ones where I stop being polite, because somebody with a budget and a committee should have known better.